Infertility is one of the most challenging, most unpredictable journeys you can walk. It stretches you emotionally, mentally, and physically in ways you never expected. It forces you to sit with uncertainty, grieve unmet expectations, and reconsider a future that may not unfold the way you once imagined. But in the midst of the struggle, infertility teaches a powerful, if painful, lesson: the art of letting go. Letting go of rigid timelines. Letting go of the idea that you’ll get the outcome you want if you try harder. Letting go of control.
When Holding On Hurts More Than It Helps
Most people don’t start their fertility journey expecting obstacles. You have a vision—seeing that positive test, sharing the news with loved ones, decorating a nursery, passing down family traditions. This isn’t just a dream; it’s part of your identity, your future.
But when infertility enters the picture, it shakes that vision. You start asking, Why is this happening to me? What am I doing wrong? How do I fix this? The harder you cling to what you thought should happen, the heavier the pain feels. And that’s not because you’re doing anything wrong—it’s because infertility forces you to confront a reality that is outside of your control.
Finding Peace in the Uncontrollable
Here’s the truth: You can do everything right—follow the protocols, change your diet, take the medications, say the prayers—and still not get the outcome you hoped for. That’s a brutal reality, but it’s also a reminder that infertility is not a reflection of your worth.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means making peace with the fact that some things are beyond your control. It means allowing yourself to grieve what isn’t happening while still holding space for what could be. It means understanding that your value is not tied to your ability to conceive and that your life still has meaning and purpose—no matter what.
Releasing the Picture of “How It Was Supposed to Be”
The hardest part of this journey is rewriting the script you had in your mind. Maybe that means embracing IVF, egg donation, surrogacy, or adoption. Perhaps it means considering a life without children or finding fulfillment in unexpected places. Whatever it looks like for you, grieving the original dream is necessary to make room for new possibilities.
This doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. It doesn’t mean it will be easy. But sometimes, releasing what no longer serves you is the only way to make space for the life waiting for you.
Strength in the Uncertainty
If you’re struggling with the weight of infertility, know this: You are not alone. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to feel frustrated. And it’s okay to change the vision you once had for your life.
But you are not just this struggle. You are strength, resilience, and hope—whether you realize it or not. No matter where this journey leads, you deserve a life filled with love, joy, and purpose. And that life is still possible, even if it looks different than you imagined.
I am a fertility psychologist in California and Maryland and offer complimentary 15-minute initial consultations. If you are a woman, birthing person, or couple seeking infertility counseling, you may click here to schedule an appointment.