“Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.” – Sheryl Sandberg
Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of working with numerous women in leadership—C-suite executives, VPs, directors, journalists, artists, entrepreneurs, and high-level employees—and one word consistently comes to mind: resilient. These women, with their brilliance, drive, and ambition, are leaders and beacons of hope. Though often untold, their journey is a testament to their unwavering strength in the face of emotional and mental challenges.
Behind closed doors, they share their triumphs and trials. Many speak of the relentless pressure to meet impossible expectations while maintaining a façade of having it all together. One executive said, “It feels like I’m always on stage. People see my successes, but they don’t see the sleepless nights, the fear of failing, or the constant questioning of whether I’m doing enough.”
Her sentiment echoes across boardrooms and industries: the crown of leadership is heavy, especially for women. And for women of color, this weight is often compounded by the additional challenges they face due to racial biases and stereotypes.
Balancing Opportunity, Expectations, and Internal Pressure
“You can’t have everything, and you can’t do everything at the same time.” – Oprah Winfrey
Leadership offers women the platform to create meaningful change. Yet, the journey is riddled with external expectations and an overwhelming internal drive for perfection. Women are often held to higher standards than their male counterparts, judged more harshly for mistakes, and expected to perform flawlessly.
This pressure isn’t only external—it’s internalized. An executive who runs a successful startup described it succinctly: “The hardest critic I face isn’t my boss or my board—it’s me. I feel like I have to prove I deserve my seat at the table every single day.”
This internal battle often drains women emotionally as they strive to excel in environments that offer little room for vulnerability. It’s a double bind: the very drive that propels them forward also takes an immense toll.
The Loneliness of Being the “First” or “Only”
“For so many people, you’re going to be the first and sometimes the only. But don’t let that be a burden. Let it be a badge of honor.” – Michelle Obama
For Black women in leadership, being the “first” or the “only” in the room often brings profound isolation. They break barriers in spaces where few share their lived experiences. Yet, this distinction can feel isolating rather than empowering.
A Black VP once told me, “It’s exhausting having to explain my challenges to people who either don’t understand or dismiss them entirely. After a while, you stop trying because it feels like shouting into a void.”
This lack of understanding from colleagues and supervisors only deepens the emotional toll. Black women leaders are expected to excel while managing crises and achieving success, often with minimal resources or recognition.
The Glass Cliff: Called to Save, Then Cast Aside
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou
A troubling phenomenon for many Black women in leadership is the “glass cliff.” Organizations often call them into roles during turmoil, expecting them to fix systemic issues or rescue failing systems. Once stability is achieved, however, they are frequently sidelined or replaced.
One client, An Executive Vice President, recounted, “When I joined, they celebrated me as the solution to all their problems. But as soon as things stabilized, they started questioning all my decisions. It was like they didn’t need me anymore.”
This cycle of being a savior one moment and an afterthought the next highlights the systemic inequities that persist for Black women in leadership.
Kamala Harris: A Macrocosm of a Daily Microcosm
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou
Vice President Kamala Harris’s experience serves as a stark example of what Black women in leadership face. Despite her qualifications and accomplishments, VP Harris has endured relentless scrutiny, racism, and sexism.
VP Harris was expected to achieve monumental results in the recent presidential election in record time. She delivered an exceptional campaign, yet she continues to face backlash—even from her party, mirroring the experiences of many Black women leaders.
Vice President Harris’s journey reflects a broader truth: Black women are often called to save the day but are rarely given the ongoing support they need to thrive. Her story is a macrocosm of what happens to Black women leaders daily in boardrooms and offices worldwide.
Breaking the Cycle: A Path Forward
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” – Brené Brown
To truly support women leaders, especially women of color, we must shift how we think about leadership. Leadership is about encouraging women to lean in more, as Sheryl Sandberg suggests, and dismantle the systems that make women feel they must sacrifice their well-being to succeed.
The stories of women leaders, especially Black women, call for action. To truly support women leaders, we must acknowledge their struggles and commit to systemic change. For organizations, the path forward requires concrete steps:
- Address systemic biases: Actively dismantle barriers such as the glass cliff and the double bind and challenge unconscious biases like the perception that women are less competent or the expectation that women should be nurtured in the workplace.
- Provide tangible resources: Offer mentorship, mental health support, and leadership training tailored to women’s unique experiences.
- Foster community: Create safe spaces for women, particularly women of color and black women, to share their experiences and support one another.
- Encourage self-compassion: Women must permit themselves to let go of perfectionism and embrace vulnerability.
Final Thoughts
“When we empower women, we empower communities, nations, and the entire human family.” – Melinda Gates
Women’s journey in leadership is one of resilience, courage, and perseverance. But it’s also fraught with inequities, isolation, and unsustainable pressures.
For women leaders, self-compassion must be the starting point. The pressure to be perfect is a trap, not a badge of honor. It’s okay to set boundaries, ask for help, and delegate. Success doesn’t require enduring every hardship alone; it requires acknowledging that leadership is a collective effort.
When I think about the future, I envision a world where women leaders are celebrated for their strength and humanity. A world where leadership’s weight is shared, its burden lightened by collective support and understanding. Let’s work together to make that vision a reality. Women deserve nothing less.
I am a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles and offer complimentary 15-minute initial consultations. If you are a professional woman seeking counseling, you may click here to schedule an appointment.