If you’re grieving, waiting, navigating fertility treatments, or learning to live child-free when that wasn’t the plan, your emotions are real, valid, and worthy of space. Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone. ❤️
When Mother’s Day Isn’t Joyful
While many anticipate brunches and handmade cards, you may be bracing for a different kind of Sunday. One filled with invisible grief, unanswered questions, or quiet anger. Whether you’ve experienced miscarriage, years of failed IVF, a recent diagnosis of infertility, or a life transition you never thought you’d have to make, Mother’s Day can land heavy.
You might feel:
- 😔 Sadness for the baby you imagined would be in your arms by now
- 😡 Anger at a body or a system that hasn’t supported you
- 😢 Grief for the pregnancies lost or never conceived
- 😤 Frustration with well-meaning loved ones who just don’t get it
- 💔 Longing for a reality that’s never matched the vision you had
And if you’re parenting after loss, or a single mother by choice, or in a same-sex relationship, navigating the costs and challenges of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART), you may feel even more isolated, celebrated, and unseen, all at once.
Let’s name it clearly: It’s okay to feel conflicted. It’s okay to feel everything.
You Don’t Have to “Perform” for the Day
Permission is powerful.
You don’t have to attend the Mother’s Day brunch. You don’t have to smile through the church service. You don’t owe anyone your presence or your emotional labor on a day that’s heavy for you.
Instead, ask yourself:
- “What would feel kind to my body and heart today?”
- “What can I say no to without guilt?”
- “What kind of ritual or space can I create for myself?”
Suggestions for Reclaiming the Day:
- Plan a solo or friend getaway with someone who understands your story
- Write a letter to the child you dreamed of
- Unplug from social media entirely for the weekend
- Donate or volunteer with an organization that aligns with your story
- Light a candle in honor of your grief, your hope, your journey
When You’ve Experienced Repeated Loss
There is a profound fatigue that comes with recurrent miscarriages or failed cycles. It’s a kind of grief that doesn’t always have a name in our culture but lives in your body.
This Mother’s Day, you might journal or ask:
- “What part of me needs nurturing right now?”
- “If I let myself fully grieve today, what would that look like?”
- “How can I honor my motherhood, even if it looks different from others?”
You are still a mother at heart, even if the world doesn’t always acknowledge it.
For Those Living Child-Free Not by Choice
Maybe you’re no longer pursuing treatment. Perhaps the door has closed gently or painfully. Maybe you’ve stepped into a life you didn’t plan. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself dream again, too.
Try asking:
- “Who do I want to be beyond this grief?”
- “How can I create joy and meaning, even if the form has changed?”
- “What new language do I need to describe my identity?”
You can reimagine your life and mourn what you thought it would be.
For Single Mothers by Choice or Queer Couples
You might be celebrating and hurting, aware of the effort, cost, and resilience it took to get here, yet still yearning for recognition that doesn’t erase your path.
Remember:
- You are a mother in every meaningful sense.
- Your family is whole.
- You get to celebrate yourself without needing anyone else’s permission.
Make space for joy and for the labor it took to arrive at that joy.
You Deserve to Be Held
Wherever you find yourself this Mother’s Day, let this be your reminder:
✨ You don’t have to be okay to be worthy.
✨ You are allowed to take care of yourself.
✨ Grief and hope can coexist.
✨ Your story matters.
Support is available if you need someone to talk to who can listen to your story without judgment. That might be a therapist, a grief group, or a friend who listens. As a reproductive psychologist, I want you to know that your pain, your complexity, and your hope have a place here. This Mother’s Day, let you be the priority, not the performance, not the pressure, just you, exactly as you are.
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I am a fertility psychologist in California and Maryland and offer complimentary 15-minute initial consultations. If you are a woman, birthing person, or couple seeking infertility counseling, you may click here to schedule an appointment.