The Hidden Struggles of Male/Non-carrying Partners During Infertility: Why Check-Ins Matter

Infertility can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally draining experience for couples. Traditionally, the focus has primarily been on the woman or the partner physically trying to conceive. However, checking in with the male or non-carrying partner during this journey is equally important. As a reproductive psychologist, I want to highlight why supporting the male partner is essential for the well-being of the couple and the success of their journey toward parenthood.

Emotional Burden and Psychological Impact

People often view infertility as a medical issue, but it profoundly impacts both partners emotionally and psychologically. Male infertility, in particular, can lead to feelings of helplessness, inadequacy, and frustration. These emotions can stem from societal expectations, internalized beliefs about masculinity, and the pressure to support their partner while managing their grief and disappointment. Regularly checking in with the male partner or non-carrying partner acknowledges their emotional burden and provides a space for them to express their feelings and concerns.

Communication and Relationship Strength

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, especially during stressful times like infertility. Couples who struggle with infertility often face increased tension and conflict. When both partners feel heard and supported, it fosters a sense of unity and resilience. Regularly checking in with the male partner encourages open dialogue, helping both partners understand each other’s perspectives and work together to navigate their challenges.

Shared Responsibility and Support

Infertility can create a sense of imbalance in a relationship. The carrying partner may feel solely responsible for the struggle to conceive, leading to feelings of isolation and resentment. By involving the male partner in discussions, decisions, and coping strategies, couples can share the responsibility and support each other more effectively. This collaborative approach can alleviate some of the pressure on the female or carrying partner and foster a stronger, more equitable partnership.

Reducing Stigma and Promoting Mental Health

There is often a stigma attached to male infertility. This stigma can prevent individuals from seeking the emotional support they need. By openly discussing and addressing the experiences of the male partner, we can help reduce this stigma and promote mental health awareness. Encouraging both partners to seek counseling or join support groups can provide valuable resources and a sense of community.

Enhancing Coping Strategies and Resilience

Couples who check in with each other regularly and support one another are better equipped to cope with the challenges of infertility. This mutual support can enhance resilience, helping both partners navigate setbacks and maintain hope. When actively involved, both partners can more effectively implement coping strategies such as mindfulness, stress reduction techniques, and emotional expression.

Practical Considerations and Shared Decision-Making

Infertility treatments often involve complex decisions and significant financial, physical, and emotional investments. When both partners engage in the decision-making process, they ensure that they consider each other’s needs, preferences, and concerns. This shared decision-making can lead to better treatment outcomes and a more satisfying experience for both partners.


Infertility is a journey that affects both partners in a relationship. Couples can foster emotional support, effective communication, and shared responsibility by checking in with the male partner. This approach strengthens the relationship and enhances both partners’ well-being and resilience. As a reproductive psychologist, I urge couples to prioritize mutual support and open dialogue as they navigate the complexities of infertility together. By focusing on the needs and experiences of the male partner, we can create a more supportive and balanced approach to overcoming infertility.

I am a fertility psychologist in Los Angeles and offer complimentary 15-minute initial consultations. If you are a woman or couple seeking infertility counseling, you may click here to schedule an appointment.

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