Women’s History Month is a time to celebrate the achievements of women who have shaped history and continue to break barriers in leadership, business, and society. However, even in 2025, many professional women—especially Black women—face challenges in owning their voices at work.
Being assertive—confidently expressing your thoughts, needs, and boundaries—often comes with pushback. Women are expected to be agreeable, accommodating, and non-confrontational. Black women usually face a greater expectation to soften their tone, smile more, or modify their speech to avoid being perceived as “angry” or “aggressive.”
But here’s the truth: Your voice is your power. If you’ve ever hesitated to speak up in a meeting, felt pressure to tone down your confidence, or struggled to advocate for yourself, this blog is for you.
The Assertiveness Gap: Why Women Hold Back
Even as more women rise to leadership, research shows that:
- Women are more likely to be interrupted in meetings. Studies have consistently demonstrated that women experience more interruptions than men during conversations, especially in professional settings.
- Black women, in particular, are often expected to adjust their speech, body language, and facial expressions to appear “non-threatening.”
- Women tend to use softer language—saying “I think” instead of “I know” or “I feel” instead of “I believe.”
This conditioning makes it harder for women, especially Black women, to assert themselves without fear of backlash. But leadership requires clarity, confidence, and authenticity—not code-switching or shrinking to make others comfortable.
Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness: Breaking the Double Standard
One of the biggest reasons women hesitate to be assertive is the fear of being perceived as aggressive. Let’s break down the difference:
- Assertiveness is clear, direct, and respectful communication.
- Aggressiveness disregards the feelings of others and is demanding or confrontational.
An assertive man is often seen as a strong leader. A woman—especially a Black woman—who is assertive may be called intimidating, difficult, or “too much.” But remember: You are not responsible for how others perceive your confidence.
A Common Workplace Example: Speaking Up in a Meeting
Imagine this: You’re in a team meeting and have a strong idea for solving a problem. However, as soon as you begin speaking, a male colleague cuts you off and continues talking.
In that moment, you have a choice:
- Shrink back and let it slide.
- Reclaim your space and assert yourself.
Instead of staying silent, you might say:
- “I’d like to finish my point before we move on.”
- “I appreciate your thoughts, but I am not done speaking.”
- “Let me complete my idea, and then I’d love to hear your input.”
This response is firm and clear, not aggressive. Yet, many women hesitate to do this out of fear of being seen as confrontational.
The Pressure for Black Women to “Soften” Themselves
For Black women, the challenges of Assertiveness go beyond just being heard. There is often an unspoken expectation to:
- Smile more – To appear friendly, approachable, and non-threatening.
- Change how they speak–Avoid direct language or code-switching to sound “more professional.”
- Remain calm at all times – Because showing frustration—even justifiable frustration—can lead to being labeled as “angry” or “aggressive.”
This pressure to constantly manage others’ perceptions can be exhausting. But here’s the reality: You don’t have to shrink, soften, or censor yourself to be an effective leader.
How to Own Your Voice at Work
1. Use Clear & Direct Language
Instead of saying, “I just think that maybe we should consider…”, say:
✔”I recommend we…”
✔ “Based on the data, my solution is…”
Remove qualifiers (just, maybe, I think) that weaken your message.
2. Set Boundaries Without Over-Explaining
This is often difficult to hear, but you don’t owe anyone an apology for setting limits. Instead of:
❌ “I wish I could, but I have a lot going on.”
Say:
✔ “I’m not available for that.”
3. Avoid Over-Smiling to Please Others
Smiling should be natural, not something you feel obligated to do so others feel comfortable. If you’re in a professional setting, your words and confidence should be enough—you don’t have to dilute your presence with forced smiles.
4. Speak Up in Meetings
If interrupted, say:
✔ “I’d like to finish my point.”
✔ “I want to add to that before we move on.”
5. Stop Softening Your Emails
Notice how often you write, “Just checking in” or “Sorry to bother you” in emails? Instead, be direct:
✔ “Following up on this…”
✔ “Looking forward to your response.”
Why Assertiveness is a Game-Changer for Women in Leadership
When professional women own their voices, the benefits are undeniable:
- Empowering Other Women – When you speak up, you make space for others to do the same.
- Career Growth – Leaders take notice of those who communicate with clarity and conviction.
- Stronger Leadership Presence – Confidence attracts respect.
Final Thoughts: Give Yourself Permission to Take Up Space
Women before us fought for the right to be heard. You don’t have to minimize yourself to fit into someone else’s comfort zone. Own your power, take up space, and speak with the confidence of a leader—because you are a leader.
Your Turn:
Have you ever felt pressure to soften your tone or smile more at work? How have you handled it? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
I am a clinical psychologist in California and Maryland and offer complimentary 15-minute initial consultations. If you are a professional woman seeking counseling, you may click here to schedule an appointment.