Has someone ever said something untrue about your fertility, and you found yourself standing there blinking in disbelief and thinking,
“Wait… what? Who told you that? And why do you think it’s okay to say that to me?”
If so, you’re not alone. It happens way more often than people think. Unfortunately, when you’re navigating something as deeply personal as fertility, people can get way too comfortable making assumptions or repeating things they’ve “heard.”
A little gossip here, a poorly worded comment there, and suddenly, they are speaking on your body and your journey like they know the whole story. It’s confusing, hurtful, and can leave you feeling even more isolated.
So, what do you do when someone spreads misinformation about your fertility or makes assumptions about your fertility journey that cross the line?
You don’t have to stay silent. You also don’t have to “go off,” but you can protect your peace and respond with grace.
Here are three clear steps to try the next time someone steps out of line:
Step 1: Pause and ask, “Oh? Where did you hear that?”
This one might feel simple, but it’s powerful. Asking that question calmly shifts the energy. It puts the spotlight back on the person without you having to explain or defend yourself. It’s a subtle way of saying, “You might want to rethink saying that out loud.” It invites reflection without starting an argument, and most of the time, the person realizes they have crossed a line with you.
Step 2: Set a boundary.
You can say something like: “Fertility is a deeply personal topic for me, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make assumptions or pass things around.”
That’s it. You don’t have to explain why it’s personal or justify your boundary. And after you say it, pause. Don’t rush to fill the silence. Let them sit with what you’ve said. Let it land. Be confident in knowing that you’re not being rude but rather that you’re honoring yourself and your truth, and that’s powerful.
Step 3: Reclaim your story.
Say: “If there’s ever anything I want to share, I’ll make sure to tell you directly.”
That statement sends a clear message that says:
You control what you share about your body, your path, and your timeline, not anyone else.
You are the author of your story, not gossip, speculation, and certainly not the content of the group chat. Only you get to decide what parts of your fertility journey you share, when you share it, and with whom.
You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Story
Just because someone is curious doesn’t mean they’re entitled to answers. Just because someone has good intentions doesn’t mean they get to overstep your boundaries. You don’t have to make yourself emotionally available to everyone. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with comments that sting. And you don’t have to participate in conversations that feel like a violation. Protecting your peace doesn’t make you cold or mean; it makes you whole, real, and honest. And you deserve to be in spaces and with people who respect your choices and privacy.
I am a fertility psychologist in California and Maryland and offer complimentary 15-minute initial consultations. If you are a woman, birthing person, or couple seeking infertility counseling, you may click here to schedule an appointment.