You know that slow, sinking feeling when you realize the person causing you the most stress at work… is your boss?
It may have started subtly.
You’d share a well-thought-out idea in a meeting, and then silence. Then, someone else repeats it five minutes later, and suddenly it’s “brilliant.”
Or you find out about important meetings after they’ve already happened. No invite. No context. Just expectations to deliver on decisions you weren’t part of.
Or the feedback you get is murky and personal:
“Be more approachable.”
“Watch your tone.”
“Just try to fit in a little more.”
Meanwhile, someone less qualified—who never questions anything and always says yes—gets more visibility, more praise, and more support.
And you start to question:
“Is it me?”
“Am I doing something wrong?”
“Should I just stay quiet and push through?”
Let me say this plainly:
You’re not imagining it.
You didn’t do anything to deserve it.
And you’re not weak for trying to hold on.
Because I know what it feels like to weigh your sanity against your survival.
You need the job. You worked hard to get here. You’ve earned your seat.
But now, you’re shrinking just to stay in it.
Smiling through meetings when they ignore your contributions.
Editing your emails so you don’t “sound too assertive.”
Pretending you didn’t notice the way your boss praised someone else for the exact thing you suggested last week.
I see you.
You’re not “too sensitive.”
You’re navigating harm in real time—and trying to stay grounded in an environment that keeps shaking your foundation.
And here’s what I want you to know:
You don’t have to prove your worth to someone committed to undermining it.
If you feel ready, and if it feels safe, here’s one boundary-setting phrase you can use:
“I want to clarify expectations so I can meet them and ensure we’re both aligned on how to share feedback moving forward.”
It’s direct, it’s respectful, and it reminds them that clarity is part of your success, not just theirs.
But if speaking up right now feels unsafe or impossible, that’s okay too.
Start by telling yourself the truth:
This isn’t normal.
This isn’t healthy.
This isn’t my fault.
Even quietly reclaiming your voice within your own thoughts is a powerful act. It’s a shift, a beginning.
You don’t have to fix it all today. You don’t have to quit tomorrow.
You are allowed to take the time you need to make sense of what’s happening and decide your next step.
In the meantime, you can do small things to take care of your nervous system:
- Set micro-boundaries: stop checking emails after a particular hour.
- Keep a private record of your work and wins, so gaslighting doesn’t erase your excellence.
- Talk to someone you trust, either inside or outside of work, who reminds you of who you are.
And above all? Hold onto this truth: You are not the problem just because you see the problem. You are excellent. You are strategic. You are powerful, even if you feel drained, discouraged, or done.
You’re showing up in the best way you can. You’re protecting your peace with the tools you have. And one day, when you look back on this moment, you’ll recognize it as the season you started choosing yourself again, not in one big leap but in one brave, honest moment at a time.
I am a clinical psychologist in California and Maryland and offer complimentary 15-minute initial consultations. If you are a professional woman seeking counseling, you may click here to schedule an appointment.