Halloween is almost here. Children are choosing costumes, families are making plans, and neighborhoods are preparing for trick-or-treaters.
Halloween is almost here. Children are choosing costumes, families are making plans, and neighborhoods are preparing for trick-or-treaters.
For someone experiencing infertility, Halloween can be a reminder of the family they’ve been hoping to have.
You might enjoy handing out candy and seeing children in their costumes while also thinking about the traditions you imagined sharing with your own family. Perhaps you’ve pictured helping your child choose a costume, taking them trick-or-treating, or watching their excitement as they sort through their candy at the end of the night.
It’s one of the ways infertility can become part of everyday life, even when you’re taking a break from thinking about treatment.
When Family Traditions Take on a Different Meaning
When we talk about infertility, we often focus on the emotional toll of treatment, the waiting, and the uncertainty. Infertility also affects how people experience everyday occasions, including holidays and family celebrations.
In my work as a reproductive psychologist, I’ve found that some of the most meaningful conversations involve experiences outside the fertility clinic.
A birthday party, a family gathering, or a neighborhood celebration may remind someone of the experiences they imagined having as a parent.
Halloween is a good example because so much of the celebration centers around children and family traditions.
Participating in these traditions can be enjoyable and, at times, difficult, particularly after an unsuccessful treatment cycle or during a period of uncertainty about next steps.
And those experiences can change over time.
Deciding How You Want to Celebrate
If you’re navigating infertility, it may help to think about how you want to experience Halloween this year.
Maybe you love the holiday and want to do everything: a gathering with friends, an evening handing out candy, or a quiet night at home.
Consider what would make the occasion enjoyable for you.
If you’re attending a family gathering, you may also want to prepare for conversations about children or your family-building plans.
A simple response such as “We’re keeping that part of our lives private right now” can help you communicate your boundaries without sharing more than you’d like.
If you’re attending with a partner, talk about your plans beforehand. Discuss what you’d enjoy doing and how you might handle conversations that become uncomfortable.
You can also make adjustments as the evening unfolds.
Looking Beyond Halloween
Halloween is the beginning of a season filled with family gatherings and traditions.
As Thanksgiving and the December holidays approach, you may find yourself thinking about the experiences you hope to share with your family someday.
You may also have traditions you enjoy now, whether that’s hosting friends, spending time with relatives, traveling, or creating new ways to celebrate.
Consider which activities and relationships are meaningful to you as you make plans for the coming months.
Dr. Wiyatta is a reproductive psychologist licensed in California and Maryland who provides intended parent consultations, donor and gestational carrier evaluations, and reproductive mental health services.
If you would like to learn more about working together, click here to schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation.